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Hagim u'Zmanim l'Sason?

B"H

Another Holiday season has finished (barely) and I'm feeling lonely. I'm not saying I feel alone. But there's something about the holidays that remind me how much I miss my nieces and nephews (not to mention my siblings) and how much I wish I had a husband and children. I look around the shul, esnoga, beit knesset whatever you want to call it, and I see children playing together. And then I see their mothers talking to each other. I see people going to the homes of their friends for lunch or supper and I notice that many of them are going to the families of the friends of their children.

So how are single people supposed to connect? I have no children. I have no husband. I never have. So I don't have friends through my children and I don't have friends through my husband. I can only depend on my own sparkling wit to attract potential friends. But when push comes to shove, no matter how nice I am to their children, no matter how many time I sing to them when their parents are changing their diaper, no matter how often they see me at kiddush, no matter how "there" I am, I'm not the one who they ask over for a meal (and I'm an easy guest -- because of my restrictive diet I bring my own food). When my parents are away, I sometimes get pity invitations (or I invite myself to certain friends) but that's generally about it.

And with my nieces and nephews thousands of miles away, I feel disconnected. I used to spend most holidays at least partially with them. But now they don't live here and I'm left feeling empty and lonely.

Check out my squidoo lenses (articles):
Strong Biblical Women
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Why Be Vegetarian
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Rosh Hashana
Quick Vegan Cooking
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Strong Biblical Women Part 3
Hanuka
About the Jewish Calendar
Witches and Morality
Presidential Trivia Quiz
Christmas and the Jewish Single
Math Hints 1 -- Adding Fractions
Presidents1: George Washington
Passover: Holiday of Freedom
Ruth and Naomi
John and John Quincy Adams
Television Trivia Quiz
Why I'm a Red Sox Fan

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Sex and the Shtetl

B"H

I was watching Sex and the City as I often do and the question of soul mates came up as in "do you believe that everyone has only one soul mate?"

I honestly can't tell you how I feel about that question. I do know that what to me seems more important is making sure that I'm comfortable with myself.

Probably the closest thing I have to a soul mate is my best friend. It took me years to finally find someone who was my best friend in more than just words. I almost always had someone I called my best friend, but I would find out that I wasn't her/his best friend.

But for the past 7 or so years, I have had a best friend, someone who also considers me her best friend. Even though we live in different parts of the country (we didn't meet each other in person until we'd known each other for about a year or so), we are never far away, thanks to the internet and telephones. And, though I've never been able to get to her house and visit her, she (and often her family) manages to get to my "neck of the woods" about an average of once a year.

I guess if I can find a best friend I suppose the soul mate is out there somewhere. I'm just not sure why we haven't met yet.....

Check out my other blogs:

Israel and it's Place in the World
Strong Jewish Women

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Check out my squidoo lenses (articles):

Strong Biblical Women
Strong Biblical Women 2
Why Be Vegetarian
Vegetarianism: Getting Started 1
Vegetarianism: Getting Started 2
Rosh Hashana
Quick Vegan Cooking
Creating new recipes from old
Strong Biblical Women Part 3
Hanuka
About the Jewish Calendar
Witches and Morality
Presidential Trivia Quiz
Christmas and the Jewish Single
Math Hints 1 -- Adding Fractions
Presidents1: George Washington

Some thoughts about weddings

B"H

My niece got married last night. She's very young (18), as is her Hattan (groom/husband), and they've been together for a few years and they already seem like a young version of an old married couple (in the good way) -- you, know the type? They never do anything without consulting each other and "stuff" like that.

My niece, who is a beautiful young woman, never looked more beautiful. If I were the crying type, I'd have been bawling (one of my friends, whose daughter has been close friends with my niece since 1st grade, asked me how I could not be crying and I told her I just wasn't the crying type (actually, strangely enough, I cry more over movies and TV shows than I do over real life -- I'm not quite sure why).

I adore my niece (as I do all my nieces and nephews -- they are the light of my life) and, despite a few things that bothered me (like the photographer just wouldn't move out of my way at the Huppa), I had a very nice time at the wedding.

But this whole experience has made me a bit introspective. Here I am at an age which is traditionally one of beginning the empty nest or marrying off children or welcoming new grandchildren, and I'm still single. I look at my beautiful niece and I see her hope for the future, her new husband, who is a perfect fit, KI"H, for her. And then I think of the contrast of my life and I can't help but think that, despite all the comments of "Oh, she's too young!" that my niece and my new nephew-in-law have the right idea.

Getting married young, while it often doesn't work out, helps those involved side step the issues of older newlyweds, the issues of being set in one's ways, the issues of dealing with major lifestyle differences. Younger people have less invested in their current lifestyle and, therefore, have less to lose. It's easier to compromise when your life is a clean slate.

There may be someone out there for me, but it's getting harder and harder to find someone who I:
1) click with
2) am attracted to
3) am willing to at least explore the possibilities of a future together

(and vice versa). I've had a few near misses in the past (a couple in the recent past). I'm not sure if each of these near misses makes me feel I'm likely to find someone or that I'm unlikely to find someone.

My best friend reminded me after one of the more recent fiascoes that this relationship came on suddenly and grew quickly (but then crashed and burned horribly quickly too). She said that just days before meeting this gentleman I had no thoughts of anything like that happening and that it could happen just as quickly and just as suddenly again (and, perhaps, actually work out for once in my life).

I don't know how many of you have read What Color is your Parachute?, a book about finding the perfect job/career. I didn't read the entire book, but I got one big thing out of it -- a job search, the author said, is a whole series of nos followed by one YES! and that YES! is worth all the nos.

I guess one's search for one's bashert is that same thing........

Check out my squidoo lenses (articles):
Strong Biblical Women
Strong Biblical Women 2
Why Be Vegetarian
Vegetarianism: Getting Started 1
Vegetarianism: Getting Started 2
Rosh Hashana
Quick Vegan Cooking
Creating new recipes from old
Strong Biblical Women Part 3
Hanuka About the Jewish Calendar
Witches and Morality
Christmas and the Jewish Single

Check out my other blogs:

Israel and it's Place in the World
Jewish Sandwich
Strong Jewish Women

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