Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Love is a Man's world


I have noticed over the years that for men, the pool available to them love wise is like a pyramid. For women, however, it is an inverted pyramid.

For those of you who don't understand what I mean by this, as men get older, there are more available women whereas for women, as we get older, there are fewer men available.

Why is this? There are several things that contribute to this. But the main two reasons for the pyramid phenomenon are disproportionate number of male deaths at each age level vs. female deaths and the disproportionate number of older men marrying younger women vs. older women marrying younger men.

When I was younger, I initially went with the flow, so to speak, looking for men who were older than I. When I was 20 or 21, I went out with someone who was 32. But over the years, I have found that while I may go out once or twice with a man who is older than I, but the men I end up having longer relationships with (this I define as more than two dates) are generally younger (the last two are 8 years younger than I).

The problem, of course, is that once a woman gets past a certain age, she is in that age range that men avoid like the plague -- she's in the dead biological clock zone (cue theme song from a certain 60s sci-fi program -- di-di-di-di, di-di-di-di.... cue blood-curdling scream). And, once you enter that zone, men who are up to 10 years older than you consider you "too old".

The weirdest thing is that this happens even with men who already have children and men who claim they don't want children anymore. For some bizarre reason men have these "rules" in their heads and, for the most part, they have decided that men should be older, taller, smarter, stronger..... but the woman should be better looking. Those are the rules. And most men cling to these rules no matter what.

I have actually met a few men for whom this isn't true. But, for the most part, the men I run across are slaves to these rules. And this is a shame because they don't know what they're missing.

Men, for the most part, have this need to procreate, but often have no matching need to help with the raising. Despite advances in feminism, women still perform the bulk of the parenting jobs but it's the men who need to have children. But for some reason, unless they happen to marry and then find out that they can't have children, they won't even consider adoption. There are many children out there who are already born and who need loving parents and a stable home. Being a parent to these children is a mitzva. But most men use children as a means of attaining some level of immortality, not as a way to follow Hashem's example of giving love. Raising the children who really need love is more Hashem-like, in my humble opinion. And it would be nice if there were more single men willing to give love to these children. And it would be really nice if there were more single men who would see women as more than just incubators.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Men as friends vs Men as Potential Mates


I've been a tomboy all my life. When I was in first grade, we moved and I started a new school. When I entered the classroom for the first time, the 3 boys and 3 girls in the class asked me if I wanted to be in the "girls' group" or the "boys' group" and I answered without hesitation "boys' group". We used to make paper airplanes. We also played punch ball (a playground variation of baseball played with a pink rubber ball).

I did sometimes play with the other girls (I really liked jumping rope and wish I still had the stamina to jump rope like I did when I was 6). But for the most part, I played with boys (including my brother).

I've always been a baseball fan, well, at least since I was about 7 years old and went to my first baseball game, a father's day bat day double header (I got sick the next day -- I spent 15 or so innings in "standing room only" areas and finally got a seat in the 7th inning of the second game). Somewhere in my pre-teens, I got interested in Football when one of the local channels started showing Canadian Football (I'm a big fan of the Hamilton Tiger-Cats). Eventually, I got "into" NFL Football (I still love CFL football, but I don't get to see it too often).

I also love learning Gemara. Most of the time when I learn Gemara, I'm the only woman in the class.

I also sing with a community choir. Just in case you haven't discovered a pattern here by now, the voice I sing with is Tenor. When I first started singing in a choir, I was one of 3 or 4 women in the Tenor section. When I started with this choir, I was one of 3 women in the Tenor section. Right now, I'm the only women in the Tenor section.

So, as you might have gleaned, I spend a lot of time with men. And, I get along quite well with men, too. Most of the time......

Of course, I get along with men quite nicely until the subject turns to romance. It's almost as though I suddenly have "cooties". Suddenly, I can't seem to understand men and they don't understand me.

It's funny, actually, ironic funny that is. Men will come over and talk to me, tell me I'm interesting, attractive, intelligent, all sorts of nice things. But the second I express any interest in them, BAM! Suddenly, they have an appointment, or I misunderstood, they only want to be friends.

So I'm waiting for someone to give me a road map to the male brain. I guess I'm only invited into the non-romance, non-marriage part of the male brain. I guess men aren't capable of being friends and "more than friends", so to speak. I guess when you live in a world where sex is at least supposed to not be part of the pre-marital experience, friends are compartmentalized separately from potential lovers.

So where does that leave me? I guess out in the cold, romance wise. Men don't seem to be interested in a relationship with me. Men see me in that same compartment where they put other men. And that, apparently, is where I will stay.